During the Covid 19 lockdown period, I had the chance, or should I say, misfortune of watching the internationally renowned series "Indian Matchmaking". In case you aren’t familiar with the show, it revolves around an Indian matchmaker Sima Taparia, who travels across the world to introduce her clients to their potential life partners. She does this through an intensive matchmaking process, that although matches clients based on their compatibility, simultaneously promotes harmful double standards.
Throughout this show, I couldn’t help but notice that the women in the show were asked to “adjust” and “compromise”, even if it meant uprooting their entire lives for men.
Although not explicit, there was an implication that the women in the show were expected to move and abandon their careers for their prospective husbands, which the men in question were never suggested to do.
Moreover, in season 3, the first woman clearly stated she preferred long hair on men, yet Sima was persistent on pairing her with a bald man in the name of compromise and “never getting everything you want in life”. But when a man preferred “fair women”, she praised him and didn’t question his choice.
Don’t even get me started on the colorism and casteism in this show. It’s quite alarming that both these forms of discrimination are proudly reinforced and normalized throughout the show. It’s no secret that the tradition of arranged marriage is rooted in the preference and preeminence of upper caste and upper-class South Asians. This is, unfortunately still prevalent in the name of ensuring “compatibility” between people. Sima doesn’t shy away from stating that caste and class are important factors to consider in marriage. She also emphasizes how an ideal girl is “fair- skinned”. Sima promotes arranged marriages and aims to keep the practice alive because it’s traditional and has been used for generations in South Asia. However, it’s worth questioning the legitimacy of keeping a South Asian tradition alive when it’s based on idealization of features that originate from centuries of white people being upheld as the standard of beauty and status. I also found it quite intriguing that the women who were in their 30’s and single were painted in an unflattering light, reinforcing the take that women who are single past their 20’s are “leftovers” and have a hard time finding love and getting married.
All in all, after watching this show it’s very evident that it normalized colorism, casteism and harmful double standards that disproportionately discriminate against women. In a subcontinent where there is enough systemic oppression of marginalized people and minority groups, it’s disappointing that “Indian Matchmaking” has been given a massive platform on Netflix while it perpetuates stereotypes and reinforces harmful and questionable marriage traditions.
Thank you for talking about this. After reading your blog, I am glad I didn't watch this series because it just does not sit right with me. Why do women have to compromise all the time? Why can't men compromise? Usually, men have long checklists of what a woman should have, should not have, and what she should be capable of, and when it comes to women, they are told to compromise, kayoon bhai? Hamesha aurat hi compromise karay kiya? This is just so wrong in every way. I also wanted to ask you a question: do you think that what Sima Taparia is doing in the series is because she knows that people in Indian society, especially men, would…
It's insane to me that these traditions still exist specially in this particular setting. I would fully understand if the case at hand was about women who aren't socially aware about what autonomy and independence feel like but when it comes to the kind of women depicted in the show, it truly is a sad site to watch. This is not to say that women who do not fit into this category should be facing this fate but rather that being aware and nonetheless facing it, is a sadder tragedy. I've actually had a lot of conversations around this at my house and there's always a dilemma between accepting parts of our culture after deeming them as a "sad reality"…
Mariam, I remember watching this show back in 2021, and it's still etched in my memory. Honestly, I can't fathom who thought producing and airing this TV show on Netflix was a good idea. The problems with this show aren't just singular; it seems to embody a myriad of issues. We're in the 21st century, and yet, the portrayal of women as objects for men's approval feels like a step backward. Did women fight for their rights only for this? There's so much more to their worth and value than being showcased for someone else's liking.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this. I recall watching a few clips of the show and being perplexed about its presence on a platform like Netflix. Your analysis of the color and caste disrimation is right on the mark. What truly astounds me is that the women involved in this cult are well-educated individuals, and yet they perpetuate such discriminatory behaviour towards other women. While we do acknowledge the problematic nature of this, I believe it is the responsibility of the creators to be mindful of what they are producing, especially considering the problematic aspects of South Asian cultural and traditional practices among their audience and what they are consuming.
This article resonates deeply with me. You've articulated the problematic aspects of the show with such clarity and insight. Your observations about the double standards imposed on women versus men in the context of arranged marriages are particularly striking. It's disheartening to see a modern platform like Netflix showcasing a series that, while aiming to provide a glimpse into traditional matchmaking, ends up perpetuating outdated and discriminatory practices like colourism, casteism, and gender bias.
The point you made about women being asked to "adjust" and "compromise" more than men is a reflection of deeply rooted patriarchal norms that unfortunately still prevail in many societies. It reminds me of how in the first season of the show, Aparna is looked down…