Shoaib Mansoor collaborated with superstar, Mahira Khan, to release a new take on one of Alama Iqbal’s iconic poems, “Lab pe aati hai dua ban ke.” Named as Dua-e-Reem, a bride’s prayer, was released on the eve of Women’s Day last year. The director aims to highlight a shifting female narrative in a patriarchal society.
According to the preface, a group of women transformed this poem into a bride’s prayer which was recited on the last sangeet (mehndi occassion as it is commonly known as) before she got married. In the video, Mahira Khan is the bride and the singers are reciting this prayer for her with all her female family members present beside her including her mother.
The old woman prays to God to give the bride patience and strength to endure all the pain inflicted by the husband after marriage. Some lyrics are so powerfully disturbing, that I felt myself rooted to the chair, even though this was at least the tenth time that I was listening to it. Most problematic is the realization that the patriarchal mindset is so well ingrained in the minds of those suffering (women) that they pray to be a part of it even when they might have the slightest chance at making it better for themselves and their future generations to come (after marriage).
The preamble of the old lady's prayer starts by asking God to give the bride a married life that is a mirror reflection of her mother’s. The mother breaks down and is unable to make eye contact with her daughter, the bride, who herself is not sure if she wants a life similar to what her mother has spent as a wife. The bride is shown confused, surprised, and angry as the prayer proceeds. Questions like why did the bride not just say Ameen? What was her father like? Was her mother in an abusive relationship? Maybe most of us here know the answers but constantly try to look for a way to make it easy for our ears, heart, and mind. Khan’s expressions made it clear that she did not want to have a life like the one that her mother had spent. There could be various reasons for that. Our media has revealed many such reasons through dramas such as Beti, Kaisa hai Naseeban, and Bhool. These are still not all.
The music video showcases pre-partition India when Iqbal’s poem became famous nationwide. The setting is important to understand the context of the message being portrayed. The video depicts a period when women of the house had to abide by all the rules set in place by the husband - no matter what. Why does this sound familiar to everyone reading this? You must have also seen or heard or experienced it at least once in your life. I have. Pakistani society is a pure patriarchal web we all find ourselves trapped in despite actively t rying to untangle and let ourselves free.
Mansoor has made a stark comparison of two eras through one video. First, the main theme and setting of a patriarchal society and the mindset of the people who are exposed to it all their lives and bred within. The old lady and the grandmothers of the bride play characters from this time period. Second, the bride. Her character plays a woman who understands shifting gender roles and slight changes in mindset that have come around with awareness about women’s rights and equality to men.
An interesting angle in the music video is the depiction of three generations and their reactions to the prayer recited by the old lady and afterwards to the one Khan makes on her own for herself. When the bride prays to build a house with love, affection, respect, and honor, the grandmothers’ expressions show how they disapprove of it. However, when the old lady was praying and encouraging the bride to learn how to stay silent when the husband beats her or throws a shoe at her, the grandmothers were constantly nodding their heads in approval.
Khan’s prayer ends with:
“If he likes Roti and I prefer Chaawal,
Let our love be such that we eat,
Roti with Chaawal!“
Throughout the prayer she recited, I very much agreed with most of the things she said. Expect for when she read the last lyric. Not every individual is the same. Does marriage mold the two individuals in a manner such that they have to adopt preferences out of expectations for a happily married life? Is it the marriage that expects too much of us or is it the society?
The lyrics made me think that the director wanted to smoothly inject his outlook on women’s rights and how the newer generations are understanding the way gender roles should be changing already. However, the end says otherwise. Maybe the director wanted to educate and spread awareness to a strongly rooted patriarchal society, but he also wanted to implicitly keep the superiority of men over women tone intact. Simply put, why can’t each of them have what they like better?
Thank you so much for sharing this.
This is the first time I am hearing this, but the amazing picture of the patriarchal society is that they don't praying for a happy life, but they are only focused on what you must bear with your husband. should do. Mahira Khan's expressions and her mother's expressions are fully reflecting the fact that she does not want this kind of life and she is not going to put up with it all. But the only lesson that society teaches her is that she should stay with her husband at all costs. The lyrics are so heart-wrenching when he says that if he slaps you in the face, just be thankful it wasn't…
Thank you Mahnoor!
This is one of the most iconic and heartouching music video. I used to listen to this on repeat when those ladies were praying for the bride , the most triggering line for me was
“Damkiyan de toh tasali hoke tappar nah pada,
Parhe tappar tu Karun shukar ka joota na howa”
The inheritance of neuroticism and egalitarianism disproportionately falls unevenly across gender and bear on marital interactions.And the way we taught our daughters beta jo b ho gaye “rishta nibhana” ,ab wohi tumhra ghar ha. Their is a movie named “Tappar” based on the similar concept.
And I like each and every line of the reply from Mahira khan such a well-written script by Khawar Javed…
So this is a perfect reflection of media portraying ideas that were prevalent in that specifc time. I think most of these songs have just culturally become "shadi songs". People dont pay attentiom to the lyrics its just the catchy tune.
But when u do pay attention to the lyrics its just so shocking how normalised it was. In this case beyond that. They were praying for it.
The question is what do we take it as then?
A mysoginisitc old song that shouldnt be played at weddings or a nostalgic one that we can still enjoy like we enjoy kal ho na ho?
On reading this post, I quickly went over to YouTube to watch it, and oh my, what an absolute masterpiece. This was my first time watching it, and I'm so glad to have done so. Such a powerful message is delivered in such a visually appealing way with melodious music that just touches the heart. My favorite part has to be how, by the end of the video, everyone joins in, even the elder ladies who were initially throwing Mahira Khan disapproving looks. The message resonating with them goes out to show that you are never too old to change. Elder people need to take it upon themselves with the help of the younger generation to unlearn what they have…
I think the different age groups of women available in the song enriches it. This portrayal borrows a lot from the realities around it and exemplifies how difficult it has been for women historically. Equity is a foreign concept to older women. And like you noticed that the mother's expressions are telling of her generation's quest and struggles. Similarly the other characters in it also tell us their story via their expressions and its overall a progressive message surrounding the institution of marriage.